And They Lived Happily Ever...Before

This book is about the apparent incompatibility of romantic love and conventional marriage. They go together (the popular song has it) like a horse and carriage. But if the horse is ailing or otherwise not up to the task, the carriage will slowly rot away in the carriage house. It is also about the perverse fact that people bring to such relationships their expectations from the past - as they remember them. Typically, they had hopes and dreams for their future together. When these are dashed, it occurs to them that they were better off before they got hitched. It is also about the fact that when love befalls us, we lose our bearings. "Love is blind" and all that. We drift into the conventional fairy tale about living "happily ever after" That's to be desired. But the fairy tale ends with that line. It never tells us what we need to do - or be - in order to live happily ever after.

 

Communication!

This book is not about communication as it is generally understood, or as you may understand it. It is about how communication ought to be understood according to how it actually occurs. The popular understanding of communication is simply not consistent with the facts. If your concept of communication is faulty, you will frequently be perplexed, frustrated, and even angered. Our communication problems are not engendered by the world outside of us. They are engendered mainly because our common conception of communication just doesn’t fit the facts.

Readers' Comment

"It is extremely well-written & easy to read. Applying this approach to life for the past 25 years has made a tremendous difference in both my professional and personal lives. I highly recommend not just reading it but integrating the principles into your lives. I also recommend that you read othe books written by Dr. Thayer. Together, they provide both a foundation and a mapable course for living a quality life."― Ali Johnson

RELATIONSHIP

This book is about all of the kinds of relationships people can have. It is a very insightful book about how relationships emerge. But it is also about how indispensable they are to our ongoing sense of being who we are in the worlds we inhabit. We have relationships with various people. But we also have relationships with our possessions, with our pets, and with our pens and car keys. We have relationships with the foods we eat, the places we go, and the diversions we take.

Some relationships bring us down. Other relationships lift us up. In this book, you will learn how to create the kinds of relationships you need to get to where you want to go. The relationship you have with yourself is key. This book reveals to you how, if you get that right, most of the other relationships you live in, and by, will fall into place. 

MEANING

Meaning is an indispensable condition of all life. We humans have the advantage (or disadvantage) of talking about it. For all other living things, it is a part of their built-in metabolism for growth and for survival. For good or ill, we humans have minds. And meaning is the stuff of human minds.

This book explores in depth the functions of meaning in our everyday lives and in the destiny of our societies and our civilizations. There is not subject that is more fundamental and pivotal to life-making than meaning. The author meant something by what he wrote. As a reader, you will interpret what you read according to the meaning you attribute to it. There is no alternative.

Our past, our present and our futures depends upon what things mean to us. This book is intended to help us realize what that means, and what we might pragmatically do to reinvent ourselves by reinventing what the things we think about everyday perhaps should mean to us.

Explaining Things

This is a book about how we invent ourselves and our cultures by how we explain things. We invent our explanations, and then they invent us. It is a book about how we create our virtual worlds ― the habitat of our minds ― by how we explain things. It is a book about how our explanations get embedded in the stories we tell and ingest ― from gossip to advertising to the pernicious “social media.”

It is a book about how everything we say or do or have is an explanation. Whatever we say or do or buy explains who we are. We multifariously explain ourselves to ourselves and to others. We talk, we daydream, we do, we feel: all evolves from how we explain things. Our explanations are the seeds from which everything human and social sprouts and evolves. They are the sources and the sinks of how we live our lives. It is a book that offers a non-biological and thus a superior theory of the human trajectory, of specifically human and social evolution. We have turned our lives over to our pundits ― our “experts,” our celebrities, our advertisers and entertainers, and our fashionistas. We invite them to tell us what’s what, and how to live. They are our predators. We are their prey. It is an unprecedented sea-change for civilization. As our lives go, so goes our civilization. We evolve out of our explanations of things. But to what end?"

Readers' Comment

"This book will do wonders to your perspective! anyone who wishes to learn and understand the complexities of mind, communication,reality- i would say this is a must read. Lee thayer is "unique" in the real sense of word when writing on these topics."― Ajaisanthi

DOING LIFE: A Pragmatist Manisfesto

This is a book about how and why people “do life” as they do. It is as well a book about how people could or should think about doing life for the benefit of their own well-being and that of the people they associate with. 

It is a book about how our feelings and our thinking interfere with how we could be doing the life we dream of. It is a book about the mistakes we make in doing life, and how we could avoid those mistakes.


It is a book about what causes us to be the way we are. It is a book about why we often can’t do life as we wish. It is about the personal dragons that stand in our way. And it is about how the real world outside of us can frequently frustrate even our best intentions.

Readers' Comment

"I have been studying Thayer for the past ten years and this book is the culmination of his life's work on Communication and life-making. He's certainly not a popular or fashionable thinker, but one of the very best when it comes to standing on a solid foundation for better understanding the human condition. Communication studies, at its inception, was to be the study of the "human condition," but it quickly got pushed this way and that in the drive to be relevant. Now, we study "social media" as if it's our savior, and in many ways, it has become such. This particular book will give you a better grounding in communication as it is meant to be understood. It will open up time, attention, causes, consequences, mind, gratification, regret and more with the intent of creating a life worth doing. I can't recommend this book enough"― Jamie Grefe

PERSPECTIVE

This book takes you on an adventure, an adventure into why you are the way you are, and hence why the world you live in is the way you perceive it. It is a challenging adventure--this seeing why you are the way you are and your world is the way it is. Most people don't care, but they end up regretting not understanding this whole business of perspective in their lives gone by. You are holding in your hands the prescription for avoiding that all-too-common regret at the end of life. Herein are the tools for understanding the one thing in your life you can do something about now--your perspective on things.

Mental Hygiene

If the greatest gains in human health and longevity came not from medical “science” but from sanitation and hygiene, why might this not also not be the case with our waning mental health and longevity?

That is the question this notable scholar of the human condition takes on and then answers in this provocative book.

In the last years of the nineteenth century, when human life was in constant jeopardy from pestilence and desperate living conditions in crowded cities, it was changes in human sanitation and improvements in personal and institutional hygiene that created the biggest jump in health and longevity known to human history. Given that human mental health and longevity has been declining for years, it seemed to this widely-known and respected author that the circumstances are similar. Would it be possible to achieve the same remarkable gains in the health and longevity of the human mind by focusing on the same kind of conditions ― mental sanitation and mental hygiene?

Not only does this book answer in the affirmative. It offers substantial evidence that a similar approach can be enormously effective. Where once it was human crowding that contributed to poor physical health, it is now the impact of toxic mental diets and lack of mental immunity that contributes to our increasing personal and social malaise. At a time when freedoms are expanding, we are suffering from the diseases and dysfunctions that arise from consuming so much junk food for the mind that we no longer know ― or seem to care ― where we are heading.

What Readers' Say

"We know what we need to do to have a healthy body: exercise, eat well, minimize stress, good relationships, good sleep habits. Remember the brain is not the mind. The concept of mind encompasses us as we communicate our culture and our values as a society. So what we feed the mind will impact our mental health. How I think, influenced by my mental model of the world around me, impacts who I am. Who I am influences what I do. What I do creates my habits. And then my habits create me. Are the thoughts I feed myself and take in from my culture nourishing me or making me Ill. Is the way I think contributing to mankind or am I creating more problems by my wrong thinking?

I don't know what I don't know so to find what I don't know I need to question what I do know. For many of us a difficult place to begin.

The old statement: "It's not what I know that gets me in trouble it's what I know that just ain't so." So my mental hygiene starts with what I feed myself when I read, through what I watch on television, through what I taken from the news, and the world around me. Most of all what I tell myself. My voice in my head is always with me.

For most of us mental hygiene starts with knowing what we need not to attend to. And therefore what we need to be attentive to.

Lee asks the questions that need asking."― Ozzie Gontang

COMMUNICATION

People have always tried to explain whatever they want to talk about or have to deal with in their worlds. To explain something to oneself or to others makes it comprehensible. If the explanation becomes socially tenable, it provides a person or a tribe with a perspective on their world, a way of knowing it.  That perspective becomes their reality. It is a virtual reality, created by people for the use of those people. Virtual realities are products of our talk and our minds, which archive and channel the meaning of things. First, our minds get created, and then our minds create us — personally and collectively. 

We live in and through those explanations, as we understand them. We invent our explanations on top of those we inherit, and that we and our progenies will grow up living in and through. This counter-intuitive premise is that we do not live in any natural world. We live consciously (and even subconsciously) in our worlds as we have explained them — or could explain them.

 

Physiological or biological events certainly do occur. But we deal with them according to what they mean — to us. Random events like accidents do occur. But we can explain them before they occur and after they occur. There is nothing that occurs in our worlds that we cannot explain or justify in some way. Whether or not it rains is something we do not control. But to talk about it or think about it, we have to do so in and through our explanations. Your lover may be dumping you for his or her own a priori explanations. How you deal with it depends upon how you explain it to yourself. We live — and we die — in accordance with our explanations of our worlds and of us in them. We live our explanations.

RELEVANCE

This book, the first in a series by the internationally-known and scholar Lee Thayer, addresses the centrality of relevance in people’s health and lives. It is not about what is relevant to us, but to whom or to what we are relevant. Loss of relevance leads to the degeneration of mental and then physical health. Those who do not feel relevant to their world are the people who do violence to other people, or to themselves.

How and why this feeling of relevance to others and to the world affects our lives, and thus the lives of others, is thoroughly explored and documented. The concept of relevance should be the most basic concept in theory of psychology, sociology, anthropology and the therapeutic industries.

What Readers' Say

"As always Lee makes one think about the importance of all aspects of our communication."― Ozzie Gontang

Life Left Over

People have always tried to explain whatever they want to talk about or have to deal with in their worlds. To explain something to oneself or to others makes it comprehensible. If the explanation becomes socially tenable, it provides a person or a tribe with a perspective on their world, a way of knowing it.  That perspective becomes their reality. It is a virtual reality, created by people for the use of those people. Virtual realities are products of our talk and our minds, which archive and channel the meaning of things. First, our minds get created, and then our minds create us — personally and collectively. 

We live in and through those explanations, as we understand them. We invent our explanations on top of those we inherit, and that we and our progenies will grow up living in and through. This counter-intuitive premise is that we do not live in any natural world. We live consciously (and even subconsciously) in our worlds as we have explained them — or could explain them.

 

Physiological or biological events certainly do occur. But we deal with them according to what they mean — to us. Random events like accidents do occur. But we can explain them before they occur and after they occur. There is nothing that occurs in our worlds that we cannot explain or justify in some way. Whether or not it rains is something we do not control. But to talk about it or think about it, we have to do so in and through our explanations. Your lover may be dumping you for his or her own a priori explanations. How you deal with it depends upon how you explain it to yourself. We live — and we die — in accordance with our explanations of our worlds and of us in them. We live our explanations.